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Monday, February 28, 2005
The Tongue a Devils Breeding Ground!
Jerry, they aren't just rewriting history; they're rewriting the Bible, too.
Don't believe it? Check out Oral Sex: A Dangerous New Trend for the latest word from Creation Science. Do note the peculiar theology of,
God is just now finding out that His most sinful creatures (humans) have become very keen on slithering their tongues like a serpent of Satan into disgusting places on other folks' bodies that they can't reach on their own.
Seems that God wasn't paying attention when they wrote the Kamasutra. Hell of a thing for the Big Guy who's supposed to be omniscient.
P.S. It has been brought to my attention that Landover Baptist is, in fact, an elaborate spoof. But as Anj Petto, a very solid member indeed of the reality-based community, also mentioned,
The sad, scary thing is that too many real websites are barely distinguishable from this and it is pretty easy to find similar denunciations for real.
posted by John
6:14 AM
The Re-Education of Citizen B
Before the dawning of the age of George Walker Bush, I had always thought the notion that objective truth does not exist was the premise of a silly parlor game invented by wacky French philosophers to amuse a small group of tenured, Volvo-driving, American-Express-card revolutionairies at America’s finer land-grant institutions. Surely, naïve me thought, there are some events that we can all agree happened and happened in a particular way. For example: some years back, there was a war in Viet Nam. It was a costly and stupid war. We lost. Later, there was a mediocre president named Reagan who invaded some unpopular Caribbean island and bankrupted both the Soviet Union and the United States with his fondness for expensive military toys. He had a nice smile and peed his pants a lot in his last two years in office.
Now, after four years of the Bush junta’s shock and awe re-education, I can see how wrong I was. Truth is whatever the government in power says it is. Or, for that matter, says it was. History is not a set of immutable facts, but simply a matter of interpretation, a kids chalk board on which the ideologues du jour can erase and re-write more amenable versions at will. We now know that Viet Nam was a just war and that the American people were behind it nearly 100 percent and the only opposition came from a small, motly collection of long-haired hippie freaks and Jane Fonda and John Kerry.
And Ronald Reagan was the greatest and most beloved president of the 20th century; probably the greatest of all time before George Walker Bush. He singlehandedly torn down the Iron Curtain with his own small, but perfectly formed, hands. When he left office, he had an approval rating of at least 98 percent and people as far away as Togo hurled themselves onto funeral pyres in remorse.
That’s not all I’ve learned. The invasion of Iraq was never about weapons of mass destruction falling into the hands of terrorists; it was about spreading democracy in the Middle East. That was always the real reason, although the WMD thing seemed like an easier sell. And, conservatives were just pretending all those years to think that nation-building and acting as policeman to the world were bad things. Shrub and Condi believed all along that American paratroopers should be taking little brown kids to school.
What about those deficits? Real conservatives know that balancing budgets is a “quaint” idea. Those on the principled right have grown to love huge new government entitlement programs like a Medicare drug benefit that costs at least twice as much as your Great Leader says it will. And today’s conservatives of conscience know that meddling in how states educate their children is a splendid idea. Killing Social Security? Outstanding. Torture? It’s the American way. More tax breaks for the extremely wealthy? God bless the child that’s got his own.
Thanks to the Bush administration, I now know that evolution is just a theory that is no more or less valid than the notion that the earth and mankind were created by a bearded, homophobic, English-speaking, born-again benevolent spirit who lives in the sky somewhere above Kansas and prefers American Christians to all the other races and religions on earth.
And speaking of God, I had always thought America was founded by a group of elitist, secular eastern intellectuals who were more concerned about keeping religion out of government than in indulging the “enthusiasms” of the more radically pious among the flock. Not so. The founding fathers were, to a man, evangelical Christians, not unlike our own great thinkers Jerry Falwell and Ralph Reed. What Jefferson and Hamilton and Franklin really envisioned was a kind of Taliban-style theocracy where homosexuals and abortion doctors would be publicly stoned for their transgressions. You can look it up as soon Franklin Graham finishes re-writing the history books.
Oh, and the last thing I’ve learned is that George Orwell was wrong by only about 20 years.
posted by Jerry Bowles
12:05 AM
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