I didn't create the universe so I could spend all my time tutoring shaved monkeys in Remedial Cluefulness. . . . God made Jeff Gannon a cock-headed man-whore in order to make a point; Satan made the details of the affair clownish, and made sure that all of his hilariously embarrassing come-on photos were still available on the web, in order to distract you from that point. You must resist every opportunity to turn everything into cock jokes, no matter how irresistable such opportunities may be, even when people named "The Big Trunk" and (God, grant me strength!) "Hindrocket" leap to his defense. Jeff Gannon is just a very sad and silly man of no particular importance, except insofar as he demonstrates the extent to which the White House has corrupted the press corps. It's just a metaphor, dumbass.

posted by Michael 5:55 PM

Our “Existentialist” President?

Bush has never met a half-truth or quote out-of-context that he didn't like and hyping Camus (who you know he never actually read) on his recent trip to Europe was no exception. Mr. Frontier Gibberish surprised folks in Brussels when he opened his speech with a reference to the famed French existentialist.

The Bush version: “Albert Camus said that ‘Freedom is a long distance race.’ We’re in that race for the duration and there is reason for optimism.”

What Camus actually said: “I didn’t know that freedom is not a reward or a decoration that is celebrated with Champagne. Nor yet a gift, a box of dainties designed to make you lick your chops. Oh, no! It’s a choice, on the contrary and a long-distance race, quite solitary and very exhausting. No Champagne. No friends raising their glasses as they look at you affectionately. Alone in a forbidding room, alone in the prisoner’s box before the judges, and alone to decide in face of oneself or in the face of others’ judgment. At the end of all freedom is a court sentence; that’s why freedom is too heavy to bear, especially when you’re down with a fever, or are distressed, or love nobody.”

Or, as another great philosopher put it more succinctly: "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." Not quite as rosy as the Shrub version.

posted by Josh 11:57 AM

Golden Shower of Power

Was pet poodle Guckert really hired to lift his leg on this fireplug? Our consummate Hofjude over at The Weekly Standard isn't telling. Only his mohel knows for sure.

posted by Groom 7:02 AM

Another Wardrobe Malfunction

On the high heels of the Condi fashion post, comes word that W, on his recent PR trip to Europe got the protocol wrong and shock hands with Slovak leaders with his gloves on, a Dr. Strangelove sort of thing. A no-no in a culture where pressing the flesh is the real thing. Looks like everyone in this new administration is into leather while we lather.

posted by Josh 12:13 AM

 
 

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